A Sadness Within: A Personal Account Of Saturn & Neptune In Pisces
Introduction
Last week, it dawned on me that ever since Saturn ingressed into Pisces, I have pretty much blamed Saturn for the confusion and stagnancy that I have been experiencing and as I was thinking about some of my not-so-great life experiences, something clicked. I had underestimated Neptune the planet of illusions, blind spots, and confusion. This outer-planet (generational and slower moving planet) has aspected my mutable placements and the angles in my chart more than I had acknowledged or even understood.
Saturn the god time, is going to question our foundations, our dreams, and illusions. Have you wasted time with fantasies and delusions or have we been consistently working towards achieving a certain goal? What is your action plan? How solid are these desires and dreams? Will they withstand the test of time if I the god of time strip away these illusions and present you with reality? And it was during this realisation did I view Saturn from a different light. This is not to say that I do not think Saturn transits or aspects are not brutally painful because they are as I go onto mentioned, Saturn square Venus really plummeted my esteem and my perception of stability and where I am at right now. But I had underestimated the impact of Neptune transits.
I have come to understand that the sadness and depression that arises from Saturn transits comes from the reality checks that seek to check our illusions and delusions, and not solely because it is a malefic planet that seeks to only cause pain.
Defining Neptune
According to NASA, Neptune was first discovered on the 23rd September 1846, and is “ the eight, and most distant distant planet from the sun. It’s the fourth-largest, and the first planet discovered with math.”
In Roman religion, Neptune the Roman god was “originally the god of fresh water; by 399 BCE he was identified with the Greek Poseidon and thus became a deity of the sea.” Astrologer and Cut Contributer Aliza Kelly otes that “Neptune governs the mystical realm. Named after the god of the sea (Poseidon is his counterpart in Greek mythology), Neptune governs dreams, psychic powers, and creative pursuits with an emphasis on photography, film, and the entertainment industry.”
Under Modern Astrology studies, Neptune is ruled by Pisces and since 2011 we have been in the thick of this transit. And when we think of this watery combo, there is a high possibility of trouble landing at these watery shores. Water energy is fluid but can also drown you out if the tides and currents are too high and this drowning isn’t only in the physical sense but also the metaphysical/emotional/mental sense too.
Current Observations & Personal Experiences Under This Transit
Neptune has been retrograde for a few months now, and is currently stationed at 29°, which is known as the anaretic degree or the “final degree: Poised for change. Known as the “degree of fate”. It describes the final culmination of energy of the sign it occupies and refers to the last dance between the sign it occupies and the transition to the next sign. And whilst it gets a bad rap for the series of “fated events” that at times feel like an initiation into the ring of fire, these lessons are essential in order for one balance the scales of karma from previous lifetimes and to progress onto the next sign. And as someone whose angles, Pallas, and Uranus are stationed at this degree; I know this story all too well.
Whilst I had no expectations of how this energy would show up for me, I was surprised to receive clarity around some of my choices in partners, career stagnation, and how I viewed myself. Neptune has been squaring my MC/Moon/Sun/Juno placements, opposing my ASC, and in a tight conjunction with my Vertex/DSC. So, as you can imagine, it’s been an unsettling period in my life. Neptune also rules my 6H (Placidus) and my 7H (Whole sign) and when I look back at some of my decisions…I can see the fantasies and illusions that I had created about people, places, and things. I will cover three areas of my life in which this transit in hindsight has transformed my life and will start with my romantic choices.
This year, I have come to realise that I never really hand any boundaries or standards when it comes to matters of the heart. In fact, I would feel first and think later which meant that I would often realise the painful consequences of this once it was too late or it hurt too bad. I believe that tests come in different shapes and forms meaning that we can also be tested through our human interactions and with Neptune in the 7H, there was almost always some form of deception going on in the connections I formed romantically, and because I would often still believe that somewhere deep down, I was not being decieved and what they felt towards me was real. But that was the problem, reality was no longer reality and my ability to see things for what they were was skewed.
In my analysis of karmic synastry placements Moon conjunct Pluto, I spoke of an experience with an individual who never left me the same in terms of the internal deaths I experienced as a result of the connection. Neptune is can be compared to a shape shifter which has the ability to morph into what you want it to be, which is why people talk about escapist tendencies with Neptune and addiction issues that can potentially arise. The lines are blurred here, and it is very easy to fall fast and deep into the depths of illusion.
There is also the possibility that you can also drown (mentally, emotionally, psychologically) in Neptune’s current and hazy fog because the concept of time becomes an illusion. You do not realise how much time you are actually investing in the connection/place/thing till you are out of the fog! And it was very easy for me to fall into the haze and confusion of Neptune because the downside of this planet is the “compassion” that is often associated with this planet becomes the very reason you become used and deceived. Because he has a kind heart is what I told myself, which at the time was a thing that drew me to this person. Yet, over the course of this transit and with the help of Saturn I have come to realise that these markers are not sufficient enough when wanting to assess a person in a romantic connection because Neptune can morph, pretend, and delude. Saturn in Pisces in regard to my 7H matters has helped ground me to ask the realistic questions, the obvious.
In reflecting, I have realised that some of my low-quality experiences with men have arisen from this transit, and without making Saturn seem like a hero I would like to emphasise the difference between reality which can be sombre realisation to reconcile with than fantasy. Whilst the latter is romanticised, if you already have low self-esteem or childhood issues that can be indicated in your chart, I think there is grave danger in romanticising the “positive” traits of this planet such as the spiritual connections/soul-union rhetoric and so forth.
In reference to my 6H, there was a time during my master’s in February 2022 whereby I became disillusioned. I was mid-way through the academic year but all of a sudden, I began to question why I was doing this, if this is really going to help me achieve my career goals…so many questions and so much confusion but it came flooding in intensely out of nowhere. When I had submitted my application in June 2021, I knew what I wanted to do and why I had applied for my Master of Research but all of sudden, I was questioning the very thing that would help me get to the next level. At the time, I think I had put this down to my nodal reverse and me questioning my path and going through an existential crisis but in hindsight, I can see quite clearly how Neptune played a role in my disillusion. To further this, this year it has been dawning on me how much time I have wasted/past me by. Which I believe is Saturn coming in again with another reality check, as Saturn squared my Sun/Venus/Mars creating a sadness within.
A questioning of one’s purpose and path, which led to days seemed blurry. Weighed down by depression and no drive to do anything. Some days I was able to push myself to do mini-tasks and other days I did nothing. The week would start on Sunday and in a few blinks, it was Friday without much progress taking place and this is not to say that I do not believe in radical rest. Especially, when society does not promote rest but I could feel myself sinking.
But I felt ashamed and didn’t want to vocalise this or admit that I was depressed but I knew it and could feel it. I was losing myself, and also distancing myself from people because even a simple telephone call felt overstimulating and overwhelming. In previous paragraphs, I have emphasised the danger of water energy engulfing individuals when natives underestimate or are simply unaware of Neptune’s power. Under this transit, the concept of time had become an illusion for me, because days would turn into weeks and weeks into months with little to no change but a constant feeling that I am drowning.
I believe in Virgo season; stepping more into the grounded earth energy will help me establish a routine, and towards the final days of Leo season I found myself looking at skin care products to help with my skin texture issues. Maybe Virgo season is just the reminder I needed that you can always start again. No matter how much time I have lost…leaning into the sister sign energy will gradually help me establish the changes I wish to see.
I have also seen how my philanthropic dreams to help others have in theory made been one thing but in practical reality become another thing. And what I mean by that is that I have not done anything tangible to work towards this dream and when friends and peers also ask me questions about these dreams, I’ve always left more confused by my own words and explanations. Which evidences the confusion arising from Neptune square Sun/MC/ transits. Whilst my fear of being seen and esteem issues are real and valid, I do feel Saturn questioning me. For how long will you continue to hide yourself from the world at the expense of my own dreams & progression? How far are you willing outside your comfort zone to achieve your dreams? How much of your time and energy are you willing to invest in your dreams?
Concluding Thoughts
Retrogrades truly are a time for retrospection and reflection. I have had the chance to review my perception of Saturn outside of mainstream discussions and on my own terms. This is not to say that Saturn is all fluffy and all good, because this is not the case. Saturn transits are painful but perspective matters. Is Saturn punishing me or is he teaching me how to become more disciplined and grow up? Whilst Saturn may strip-away the foundations of whatever house it transits, I have come to understand in my own terms that it is doing so in order to ascertain whether these goals/ideals are merely fantasies or dreams that are backed with action and realism.
When looking at Saturn in Pisces and Neptune in Pisces transits, our fantasies, illusions, and blind-spots will be questioned. The area of your chart which is home to Neptune/ rules over Neptune will help paint a picture of the type of deception you may experience from others. This may also be an area of our chart where we are most naïve or fail to see things clearly for what they are. As we head towards 2025–2026, perhaps my perception of this may change but for now I hope my account of this energy helps guide you to look further into the area where both Saturn and Neptune in Pisces are currently placed in your chart and review your experiences from 2011 till now and see what picture these transits are trying to paint.
It is important that we do not underestimate the impact of outer-planet transits such as Neptune transits, because often time our distorted lenses cannot see things for what they are and this can also lead to experiencing the downside of this transit.
