Knowing When A Person’s Time In Your Life Is Up

This written piece is different from my usual style of writing and is more like a journal entry because this was intended for my journal. But something prompted me to share this on here. To help others like myself who may be going through the same thing and may also benefit from hearing this.

I do not share this not to demonise or minimise the positives of the connections you may share with others be it, your romantic partner(s), friends, or family members. But there is this innate knowing a deeper acknowledgment that comes from within that we can feel when a person’s time in our life is up and it cannot be denied.

Often times, and more specifically in my current case this does not come as a shocking alarm or rage internally. There is a peaceful yet bittersweet understanding that yes, the connection is nearing the end or that the contract between two souls has reached/is reaching the end of its contract.

And if you are anything like me, you may want to question the quiet heart murmurs that come about when you least expect it or the tell-tale signs that signal that it is time to let go, but there is a part of you which hopes and clings onto the hope that this may not be the ending or that there is coming back from the things said or done. But deep within us there is also an understanding that there is no coming back from these things, that whatever sickly gut feelings you have about the connection are true.

For myself, in my own personal connection I have witnessed the decline of physical intimacy and not that this is a sign that things have just fallen apart, but it is the unspoken things that you can feel about the lack of intimacy therein and the excuses that you hear from the person in question that help add up the missing pieces.

And rather than making this a private journal entry, and how ironic is it that I have my journal and pen right next to me as I type this, but something wants me to share this with the world. To share this with somebody else, who to may be going through this exact thing and what point is there of me being an artist if I cannot share the very pain that inspires me to write. After all, it is the artists role to convey an array of emotions in the reader/viewer/listener after-all. And I am grateful for all of my experiences, the good, the bad, and the ugly because as cliché as it sounds these experiences have helped shape my relationship with pain and resilience.

The term resilience, is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as “the ability to be happy, successful, etc. again after something difficult or bad has happened.”

Resilience is a skill that only life can teach you. No guru, healer, or parent can teach you this because to graduate from this school of life which none of us ever truly do, you must go through the ring of fire and through painful experiences that will shape who you are. Knowing when someone’s time in your life has come to an end is another one of these resilience lessons life/your guardian angels/universe will force you to learn.

Over the past few days, I have been thinking about Jane Eyre a fictional character in Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre where after a lot of back and forth with Mr Rochester and emotional confusion, she decides to pack up from his residences and goes to the countryside to become an English teacher and throughout this period despite the emotional turmoil and confusion she experiences she finds the inner strength to walk away from the connection that is no longer serving her.

In this period away from Mr Rochester she rediscovers life on her own term, and this is not to say she did not have thoughts about Mr Rochester but through the discomfort and through her longing she chose to listen to the call within. Watching this as an A-level English Literature student, I understood the gravity of the decision she took at the time but also didn’t understand it at the same time because I hadn’t been at a crossroad like that before.

But nearly 10 years on, I have a better understanding of why she made the decision she made and in discussion with friends we often reflect on her choice and the resilience she demonstrated because having experienced our own emotional “situationships” as they are termed in today’s world, it is hard to honour that inner call. But as I was in the bathroom today, a situation happened which usually would leave me feeling angry, sad, and disrespected. But there was a level of calmness I felt, despite what had occurred I had an inner knowing that this connection was nearing the end of the road and a decision needs to be made.

A decision to free oneself. A decision that will free ones soul.

So, I lay myself bare today as I share a piece of my heart with you today. In the midst of the crossroad, may you be greeted by resilience. The resilience to follow that inner knowing that keeps calling you back home. Home in its metaphorical sense means back home to yourself, home could also represent knowing when to walk away and let things be. Just as I am going through this crossroads, I pray you that even if you feel crazy at times or have been called crazy by others that you are not any of those things.

At the crossroads of knowing when somebody’s time in your life has come to an end, may you remember that is is okay to want more…it is okay to change your mind and to no-longer feel the same.

These are all valid feelings and thoughts.