Saturn In Pisces So Far: From A Native Saturn in Pisces Girl 🪐

In true Piscean nature I must be fluid. Flexible to ebbs of life, letting go of what I cannot control despite how desperately my Taurus South Node wants to hold onto things, people, and places from the past.

It’s Saturday 4th November, and as I type this fireworks are blasting in the background as everyone prepares for Diwali and Guy Fawkes. I’m currently listening to Amanda Black’s mnyama’s acoustic set which I’ll link here because everyone needs a bit of Amanda Black to get them through their hard days.

So let’s get into it….as you may already know Saturn is now direct after months of retrograde madness since. Yet I still can’t help but feel a sadness that I just can’t shake off. Even though astrologers far and wide celebrate Saturn 🪐 stationing direct, my mutable ass can’t seem to share the same excitement. It’s a depressive and melancholic feeling that is hard to voice out or tell others about, it’s a silent one. It feels like I am drowning yet no-one can see it which is quite ironic as Pisces energy has everything to do with the water and big bodies of water.

I’ve recently fallen in love with the whole signs system over the past few weeks, and I can see the bigger picture much clearer now. I will detail this in a later post as to why I have fallen in love with this system but it provides a perspective that just makes sense. So with this system, Saturn in Pisces resides in my 7H at 24 degrees and Venus in Gemini in the earlier degrees is placed in my 10H along with my gemini stellium. Now, I wanted to get insights into this transit and had a transit reading done by Danielle also known as starsmoonandsun (which I 100% recommend) so I kinda knew Saturn would be squaring my Venus but nothing coulda prepared me for how hard, isolating and sad this transit could be. Yes, you read things online and astrolabe’s post on Saturn square Venus really put things into perspective for me too. But reading something and then feeling something are two different things in my opinion.

Additionally, Saturn is squaring most of my mutable planets and as this is my dominant modality it really hurts. The feeling of life passing you by, feeling like everything that I had once seen as permanent in my life is now not what it used to be but feeling this quite strongly….nothing truly coulda prepared me for this feeling.

Somedays I am confused, somedays I also feel the shame that I am not where I should be. Saturn is rudely awakening many harsh realities that perhaps my natal Saturn in Pisces wanted to escape from. In the placidus house system my Saturn in Pisces resides in my 6H and I read a tweet by planetmari on twitter that our Saturn placement shows us where we often feel shame/embarrassment in the particular house area and this transit has also shown me that I have carried the shame and embarrassment of not finding “actual” jobs like my peers and feeling kinda behind in these areas or not as accomplished. So when this planet is retro movement feelings that are buried in our subconsious are almost brutally projected into the conscious parts of our memories and thus we cannot escape the reality check that comes along with it.

Sometimes it feels like a blessing but also a curse to have virgo placements, particularly personal ones such as chiron, mars, and the ascendant. I understand the some may say that the perfectionism or criticism associated with virgo energy is overplayed or a cliché, but the multiple oppositions with this transit has shown me that it is not. There are days where I’ve woken up feeling not so pretty and it’s not about the physical but more so an internal feeling and the critiquing of minor things that most cannot see reminds me of the TLC song unpretty. Like you can buy the MAC, buy all the pretty external things but if you can’t look inside to find out who you are then this literal gap in your identity, self-image and confidence can/will make you feel unpretty too. The amplification of my insecurities has been wild during this transit and coupled with my high-functioning depression whew it can be real ugly sometimes.

High-functioning depression is a thing and for many people who look like they are all smiles and vibes like myself, so much truly goes on internal that on surface level it probably doesn’t appear so because we have mastered the art of being put together people very rarely see our actions or inactions as a cry for help. And whilst I have not mastered the art of asking for help just yet, I believe that this Saturn transit/my Saturn return is asking me to learn how to do so. Because boy oh boy, somedays it is isolating and lonely and the best way to describe this feeling is like drowning and how ironic because pisces is a water sign energy and is described in astrology as also referring to large bodies of water and so forth. So many esteemed and wise astrologers like Madewmagik and Yakari say that for native Saturn in pisces peeps this a test of our faith. But also a much needed reality check, because escapism through helping everybody else but yourself only gets you so far. I also understand that as Saturn square Venus is the dominant transit for me this year, there will be feelings of isolating and loneliness and not feeling like I fit in normal structures. However, having mediums such as this enable me to be open and honest about these feelings and emotions.

Asides from my relationship life taking various unfavourable twists and turns, I think the Saturn square Venus transit has made me more introverted and beyond the surface level I believe that my self-worth and how I value myself and behaviours that place me in compromising situations can’t really continue under this transit. It has also made me aware of the fact that talking therapy is something that would help facilitate and aid the harsher aspects of this transit. With Saturn opposing my Ascendant, Chiron and Mars and squaring my Gemini stellium and Sag moon/Jupiter in sag. It’s safe to say that I am going through the ring of fire, the initiation and everything in between.

Whilst I have a few more years until the exact degree of my Saturn return, these initial stages of the transit have been eye opening. As I type this up, I have my bible next to me. Hope, this is the thing that I can’t afford to lose and in true Piscean nature I must be fluid. Flexible to ebbs of life, letting go of what I cannot control despite how desperately my Taurus South Node or Venus opposite Pluto aspect seeks to hold onto situations.

I must save me and in order to do so, step one requires me to be honest about my down days. Now as a mercurial dominant I sure do not have a problem sharing my thoughts/problems but sometimes vocalising the need for help or assistance is restricted and I put this down to my sun opposite moon. I hope by the end of the transit, I learn to truly show up as my authentic self and still have faith in the midst of the storm whether that is literal or descriptive.

With Saturn conjuncting my natal Saturn, DSC, and vertex in Pisces and also squaring my Gemini stellium and Sagittarius placements I’ve had various realisations under this transit. How I seek to show up in the world has changed and this is also reflective in my personal life too. Particularly my desire to take the study of astrology and alternative healing seriously and one day practise in the field.