The past is calling
The past has a funny way of calling you back even if you’ve felt like whatever you have left behind is now out of sight and mind.
These last few weeks have felt nothing short but heavy and past related. With Virgo season now out of sight, and the sun out of my 12th house I don’t feel as stifled or isolated or within the confinements of the metaphysical realm. Sometimes all the astro related posts on my timeline can be overwhelming and overstimulating for my mercurial mind, and I use this comparison to describe how this 12th transit felt. Whether I was physically isolated or metaphorically doing so, one thing kept calling me back and it was my past or what I felt I had left behind as my past.
It’s hard to get on with your day to day tasks and be present when in your conscious and subconscious mind the past keeps replaying again and again. Now as cliche as this sounds, these prompts/memories/feelings/and people have all shaped my experiences and view of life as I know it today and if I have gone to the lengths I have to remove these people, places, and things then why do these strong feelings of the past keep disturbing me and literally when I say disturbing I mean disturbing me. Could it be that as the sun was transiting my 12th house and opposing my 6th was I being forced to recount my steps and go back in time to understand that whilst I may have felt that I had moved on from these things, I hadn’t.
You almost feel stuck in a rut as you know that you need to focus on the future/present but not tend too much on the past. A push and pull between what was “right” and what was “wrong” weighed heavy on my mind and most likely due to shame and an in acceptance within me that I was and still are attached to these things emotions and people. On days I wanted to create, I felt like I wasn’t being true to me. Weighed down by these heavy emotions and feelings but still wanting to progress forward can be a mental battlefield for over thinkers like myself who question whether its wrong to feel what they are feeling or feel ashamed for even feeling these feelings in the very first place.
Navigating the past and how we move on from past experiences is never straightforward as I’ve learnt over the years and when you are like me and believe in the metaphysical you almost want to rationalise what is happening in the ethers but we can’t and as the 12th house is synonymous with the hidden things that are internal and personal to you and the house of undoing I realised that denying that these attachments to the past and the memories that come along with it is a disservice to myself.
The Libra south node is transiting my 2H and although the 2H can be seen as a money house, I strongly resonate with that house being the house of values. How I want to be treated? How I show up for myself and in turn how others show up for me and so forth and with the south node being placed here I felt like these feelings and urges of the past came back stronger than ever and whilst it would be easier to find comfort in my past the north node in Aries is pushing me to find the balance between the two energies. A reminder to put myself first, and although heartbreak and matters of the heart will always centre a lot of my work and the reason why I do this I must also come to terms with the fact that some things are irreconcilable and thus have to be left behind as these fragments no longer fit this chapter of your/my journey. One too many times I’ve chosen the comfort of others over my own sanity and having Venus in this house at times is a downfall as I tend to over-compromise for people who wouldn’t do the same for me. Part of letting go of some people I never expected to let go of was for this very reason.
I believe my Saturn return and the current north node transits are teaching me that I cannot compromise on my own needs and putting others at the expense of myself will not get me very far.
The past has been calling. Quite heavily. Quite deeply and quite literally. The last few weeks have made me realise that eventually you have to be real with yourself and you’ve got to let go of the shame. That’s a struggle I still struggle with, the shame of still feeling how I feel about certain people but in my hermit season I have had to make peace with this. You never truly let go, parts of them and parts of you will always remain in certain timelines and even if we do evolve past certain self-limiting behaviours these parts of our stories will forever live within our psyche. After all, they say with certain techniques/mediums we can recall fragments or whole parts of our past lives and who we were in those lifetimes. So I am a firm believer that whilst you may never completely forget the past, you should not bind yourself in the shackles of shame like I have done for years.
We truly liberate ourselves once we release heaviness that comes from not owning our truth and how we really feel and not how the world around us dictates we should feel. Sharing your story is part of that journey and you may inspire more people than you think when you share your authentic & human self!
If the past calls you..often times it’s because we still have some work to do and only you can do that work.
